Bhagavan on the Hill

Experiences of Sri Ramaswami Ayyar

I Felt Better

Illipuram was my headquarters. Having heard of Bhagavan’s fame, I went to Tiruvannamalai to visit him in 1907. The sight of the temple before all deeply thrilled me. The great gopurams or pagodas and the awe-inspiring Arunachala hill behind them in the back grourd. Then I did not know the mysterious power (mahatmyam) of the hill: but I was so greatly attracted that I could not leave or shake them off.

Having learnt that Bhagavan was in the Virupaksha cave, I went up the hill in the afternoon. Those being Kartik Deepam days; Krishnayya was at the gate watching that the ‘Master’ was not disturbed by those flocking for the occasion. He stopped me when I was going in. We had an altercation. Saying that the Master would soon come out he wanted me to wait. I could not help doing it. Bhagavan soon came out but he went away without noticing me. I followed him and faced him on his way back near a tamarind tree. Looking at me he stopped. I did not think before hand what I should say. As soon as I saw him the following words came out of me; “‘I am suffering from a number of ills or diseases. Pray have mercy on me.’ In reply he said “I am neither a doctor nor a mantric expert (magician) what can I do or say?” I exclaimed with anguish “I came here hearing that you are a great person. Don’t I know how my luck stands?” and after viewing me for a moment and having said "go home with the courage that nothing will effect you” he waved his hand in the air in a peculiar manner. I saw in that a ray of hope. I took that "Don’t care" as his message to me.

Having been a dyspeptic patient, my stomach would not tolerate anything but Kanji. I had sleepless nights with pain. Life was a hell on earth. No peace of mind. After going home, I felt a little better. It appeared even after I reached home that, though Bhagavan did not attract me much, the Arunachala temple with the hill behind was calling me. I therefore, shifted to Tiruvannamalai

He Made Me Sing

After establishing at T.Malai, I paid a visit to Bhagavan every day I could. Some nights I also slept there. He had a disciple by name Palaniswami. Yechamma brought food up to the hill. 1 also took many times something as (Nivedyam) offering. On one occasion Bhagavan was sitting alone before the cave. As soon as I saw him, an agitation started within me and I asked him in English with some emotion. ‘Swami! Jesus and other great souls have come down to earth to save sinners. Have I any hope?” When Bhagavan heard this cry of distress coming out of the depths of my heart, it appeared that he was also shaken. He moved close to me and said “There is Hope. Yes. There is hope.” I wrenched myself home and soon after a song sprang out of my mind. That was the beginning of my Kirtan (song) writing. I can sing and play on the Vina in a sastric manner. But poetry was alien to me. When I recited before Bhagavan my first song, he instructed me in prosody and illustrated it by this song in Telugu. “Chakkani Raja” (Beautiful Lord) “Ghakkani Palu (delicious thick Milk), since then I wrote many songs all these years till the demise of Bhagavan. After that no song came out of me. Even the songs I wrote before were not the result of either great thought or effort, I was not gifted with poetry. All that was His grace,

I Ate Well

On one festival day in the month of Ashada (July-August) I found Bhagavan inside the cave. I sat outside a bit depressed. Bhagavan came out on seeing me and mercifully inquired why I was so dejected. I replied “What can I say Swami! I am not doing well. My house is full of medicine bottles—I cannot digest. I cannot sleep.” He looked at me for a minute and I was cooled. Meanwhile, Yechamma brought tiffin befitting a festival in the evening at 4P.M. Quite near there was a waterfall. All went there to consume the eatables on that pleasant evening with the air full of fragrancy and the shining waters of the glorious water fall gliding down like silver snakes nearby. But Alas! I was a mis-fit there. Within me was all darkness. My ailments which made my life itself a burden kept all hope and cheer away from me while around me, it was all joy and peace by the grace of Bhagavan.

When Bhagavan observed that I did not accompany him having sat there in despair, he sent Vasudeva Śāstṛi for me. I excused myself saying I am observing diet. Those things won’t suit my stomach. But quite effortlessly, as if turned by some one, my sorrowful head turned in the direction of Bhagavan who beckoned me. I obeyed and I was served with all the dishes. When I sat without eating, he ordered “eat”. That was all. I lost all fear. I picked up courage. I ate well and full. One, who took only Kanji and spent sleepless nights by any extra eating, slept sound that night till day-break in the cave itself.

I got up fresh in the morning like the flower in the dewy grass. I discovered that my disease disappeared. My heart was filled with gratitude and bhakti. More than that I gained the confidence that for all there is Bhagavan for me. Since that day, I had unshaken bhakti towards him. My family too likewise acquired bhakti to him.

Let Him Have It

One night a Sadhu brought ganja bhang to the cave. I threw it out saying ‘what is this? For whom is this?’ Bhagavan saw this and observed ‘Let him who wants it, have it. Why did you throw it out?” I felt that I took undue liberty in this incident. In the night one of the walls in my house collapsed apparently without any cause. I feared that what I did in the cave was a transgression.

You Will Get 200

During those days my superior officer teased me saying ‘Why you draw Rs. 150. Why so much?’ I conveyed that threat to Bhagavan’s ears who exclaimed ‘OH’ He feels Rs. 150 is too much for me. How does he feel if you get Rs. 200.’ The next gazette brought me a promotion to Rs. 200.

Spitter Beaten

Bhagavan next moved from this cave to Mamaram cave where one Balandam offered to give an advice or message (upadesam) to Bhagavan. When the latter kept quiet, he “spat on him chewed betel nut juice. Neither Bhagavan nor the people there said anything. Thereafter Balanandam went to the railway station. In the train he was severely beaten by his co-passengers.

His Form

Once while camping at Tirukoilur, I saw Bhagavan’s form. I proceeded straight to Bhagavan where I found one Sanyasi was annoying him with some endless discussion. I heard him say ‘Your questions are all intellectual. Your betters will defeat you. What is the use or good of these displays.” He left immediately. Bhagavan said to me “this man has been troubling me for a long time. Glad your coming did a good thing by sending him away.” Thus did Bhagavan give satisfaction to his devotees of having done a good thing to him.

What A Shame

Another great soul by name Seshadri Swami had also been in Tiruvannamalai at the time Bhagavan was on the Hill. Having heard of him and his greatness, I came over to visit him from Villipuram. Even as I got down from the train a stalwart beggar approached me for a copper. I angrily refused to give him saying that I cannot encourage lazy and able-bodied beggars like him who should seek work. I looked for Sheshadri Swami in the whole town. An hour later somebody pointed out Sheshadri Swami to me. He happened to be the beggar to whom I denied a copper. What a shame! When that incarnation of kindness or mercy came to the Station to meet me I turned him away with abuses. After I settled down in Arunachalam, He showered on me his affection. He ate in my house and used to stay there. He put his feet on my head when I prostrated before him. We used to go together to Bhagavan. Swami Seshadri sometimes behaved in an eccentric manner. Bhagavan said that Seshadri Swami only acted as a madcap.

I often visited Bhagavan in the company of my wife and children. Once my daughter took a parcel of soft rice bran saying that it was delicious and he ate it all.

Squirrels, rats, monkeys and cows used to visit him daily and play with him and would return only after being patted and caressed by him.

Daughter’s Marriage

I was transferred to Shiyali. I had to leave the place weeping for separation from Bhagavan. I used to visit him once in a month. I often wished to become a Sanyasi in those days. Though I asked Bhagavan several times for his permission, he refused point blank. Once I and my eldest daughter visited him. As soon as he saw us, he questioned me why I did not get her married yet. I replied thus ‘I do wish so; but I have not enough money,to give to the son-in-law and for marriage expenses, nor can I go about in search of a bridegroom. Bhagavan alone can come to my rescue in his infinite mercy. Yechemma who happened to drop in suggested the name of Nilakantha as the bridegroom. Bhagavan endorsed the suggestion with his recommendation. Nilakanta was a school teacher. Bhagavan happened to be in Skandashram then.

Usually I got down the hill at the train time. Some how on that day, I got down even by 4 P.M. ‘What is the hurry’ asked somebody there. Bhagavan replied ‘let him, go and see one boy there.’ I went down the hill to Yechamma’s house. Nilakantha’s father was already there, Even before I could make a request to him to see my daughter, he volunteered to take my daughter as his daughter-in-law. I gladly accepted it. When after returning to Shiyali, I was pondering over the raising of the money required for the marriage, my Neighbour in the opposite house offered a thousand rupees with the following words. ‘I understand your daughter’s marriage is coming off. Where have you the money? Could you not have asked me? Would I have not given.’ He gave a thousand rupees and the marriage was celebrated.

Arunachalam

I was transferred to Berhampore. Several boils appeared on my leg. I was having with pain day and night. No kind of treatment availed me. I was always thinking that only Arunachaleswar could save me. In the early hours of one day, somebody knocked at the door. ‘Who is there’ I asked. Arunachalam was the reply. With great surprise, I opened the door. I found two Brahmins standing and 'I fell on their feet. They said ‘we are coming from Arunachalam and are on our way on pilgrimage to the North. We were instructed by Bhagavan to get down here and meet you.” They appeared to me to be the messengers of Bhagavan. They saw my pitiable condition. They applied some medicament composed of tamarind and the fragrant gum powder and lo! by the morning not a boil was to be seen. It was then that I wrote the Saranāgatī (Refuge) song.